


The book

by Sa1989



Category: Holby City
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:47:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25808344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sa1989/pseuds/Sa1989
Summary: Isaacs book comes back to haunt Dom
Kudos: 6





	The book

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think

I smile as I enter the flat I shared with Thomas my partner of 9 months. Thomas and I had met through a hook up app, neither one of us were looking for a relationship at the time. I hadn’t really been ready to move on from lofty and Thomas was a high school English teacher who wasn’t looking for anything serious but from the time we met we felt a spark. Thomas and I are complete opposites but that’s why we worked as a couple. I give Thomas a kiss on the way to the kitchen to dish up the takeaway I had brought on the way home.  
“How was your shift?” Thomas asked as he got some wine out of the cupboard  
“Slow for once which made a nice change, what did you get up to today?” I answered while bringing our plates over to the table.  
“Not much, I did some work around the flat this morning and then went for a walk and found a new bookstore around the corner” Thomas said as he poured the wine  
“And you can never resist a good bookstore can you?” I tease and Thomas smiled back sheepishly because it was true he was a sucker for a good bookstore  
“I got a couple of really good books and one of them I’m thinking of adding to my classes read list starting next Year” Thomas told me  
“So what is it about?” I ask knowing Thomas loved talking about books  
“It a tale of redemption and how with hard work anyone can change” Thomas said getting excited  
“What is it called?” I ask not really interested in the answer because books and I just don’t go together  
“That man I used to be by Isaac mayfield” I go pale as Thomas says these words and Thomas notices and asks “you okay?”  
“Yeah just need some fresh air, excuse me” I say as I feel the walls of our flat closing in on me. I quickly make my way outside and then I lean against the door trying to control my breathing. When Isaac was sentenced to 25 years for what he did to lofty and his father I thought that it was over, that I could put that part of my life behind me and move on. Clearly that isn’t the case because just hearing his name again brings everything back, the memories and the fear. Why did he have to read Isaac’s book? Now I have to decide if I want Thomas to know about me and Isaac and if I do want to tell him, how can I explain it all to him? I have never had to tell anyone who didn’t already know, well anyone who didn’t already suspect at the very least. I shake my head and decide to take a walk to clear my head. After about a hour I decide to head home but I am no closer to knowing what I will tell Thomas. As I enter the flat Thomas looks up from reading Isaac’s book and says “you were gone for a long time”  
“Yeah sorry I just need some space” I answer him  
“Are you okay? You looked upset when you left” Thomas asks in a worried tone  
“I’m fine, I just have stuff on my mind” I tell him hoping he will drop it  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Thomas offers and I can’t help but smile because Thomas is a great listener, there are nights where we talk and lose track of time. I tell him I just need to get some sleep and he nods and goes back to his book.

I am already awake when our alarm clock goes off, truthfully I don’t think I got more than 3 hours of sleep because my brain wouldn’t switch off. I sigh as I turn off the alarm and wake Thomas with a kiss before going for my shower as I always do.  
“Morning Dom” I hear him say  
“Morning” I reply before heading into the bathroom. After I finish my shower I go to the kitchen to make some coffee for myself but freeze when I see Isaac’s book on the counter. I can remember when the photo on the cover was taken, we had been on holidays in Paris and Isaac had just told me he loved me for the first time. I jump as I hear Thomas say “he’s hot isn’t he?”  
“Not my type” I say tearing my eyes away from the book and continue making my coffee.  
“He’s tall, dark and handsome, how can he not be your type?” Thomas asks playfully  
“He just isn’t so drop it” I snap and instantly regret it.  
“Okay I can see you’re still in a bad mood” Thomas says grabbing the book and heads into the living room. I still feel bad for snapping at him so I grab my coffee and leave the flat without another word.  
After a morning of being run off my feet I decide to take a break and get something to eat . I head downstairs to the vending machine and run into Chloe.  
“Hey bro” Chloe says with a smile  
“You look like your in a good mood” I comment  
“Yeah, Me and Cameron just booked a romantic week away” she beams and I am glad because after evan she deserves to have some happiness  
“So where is he taking you?” I ask knowing she is dying to tell someone  
“London but are you okay? You look like shit” Chloe says with worry in her voice  
“I just didn’t get much sleep last night” I answer shrugging  
“How come?” Chloe asks  
“Just got things on my mind” I say  
“I’m here if you want to talk” she offers  
“Thanks but you don’t need me bringing you down” I don’t want to bother her with my problems  
“Hey it’s what sisters are for” Chloe tells me and I can see she is really is concerned about me  
“It’s Isaac” I admit with a sigh  
“What do you mean? Has he contacted you?” Chloe asks in a fearful tone  
“No thankfully, did you know he wrote a fucking book about what he did to me?” I look away from her unwilling to let her see the pain in my eyes  
“Yer mum said something about it, it’s unbelievable,I mean who would want to read it?” Chloe said in disgust  
“I have actually read it before and it’s a well written book considering It’s a pack of lies that makes him look like a misunderstood guy who changed his ways” I can remember reading the book and realising that Isaac had stolen some of my experiences and used them as his own.  
“Of course it is because people like Isaac and Evan always twist the truth to make themselves look good” chloe’s tone became bitter as she says this  
“I’m sorry I should’ve known that this would bring back painful memories for you, just forget I said anything” I say as I start kicking myself  
“It’s okay because I’m probably the only one that really can know how you feel but why are you upset about Isaac’s book I mean haven’t you known about it for awhile” I can see the confusion in her face  
“Yeah but Thomas started reading it yesterday and it brought everything back for me” I say closing my eyes as I imagine Thomas sitting in his armchair reading Isaac’s twisted version of his abuse of me  
“What? Why would he want to read Isaac’s book after what that prick did to you?” Chloe almost shouts in outrage  
“Because I never told him about Isaac, I mean I didn’t see the point in telling him and I was worried that it would change how things were between us I guess” I shake my head because I know it’s sounds ridiculous  
“Why would it?” Chloe asks  
“It always felt like Lofty thought I was broken because of the abuse” I confess in a whisper  
“Oh Dom” I can hear the sadness and pity in her voice and I hate it  
“Even if I do decide to tell Thomas, how do I do it. I mean what words do I use to explain-“ I break off unable to put my thoughts into words  
“I don’t know but maybe you could just tell Thomas that Isaac’s book is about your relationship with him” I her her suggest. I shake my head and say “yeah but he would still have questions for me, questions I have no clue about how to answer” Chloe lets out a sighs and pulls me into her arms for a hug. I decide to head back to work and worry about all this later.  
After finishing my shift I still wasn’t ready to see Thomas so sent him a text message saying I have to work a double before grabbing my stuff and heading to albies. I ordered a white wine before finding a table in the corner not in the mood for company. As I sat there drinking I was haunted by the ghost of Isaac, I couldn’t help but relive memories of our relationship the good and the bad. I don’t know how long I sat there lost in my past before Angie sat down across from me  
“Look I just want to be alone, no offence” I tell her before she can speak hoping she will leave  
“Chloe told me about Thomas reading Isaac’s book” Ange tells me not making any move to leave  
“Look I’m sorry I burden her with my problems, so save the lecture” I snap at her because I hate myself enough already for bringing memories of Evan back for her  
“I not here to lecture you, I’m here because I want to help” she says in a kind voice and I feel guilty for snapping at her  
“Unless you have a time machine there’s nothing you can do to help me” I say looking down at the table  
“Your right I can’t take away the pain Isaac caused, I wish I could but I know how hard it must be deciding weather or not to tell Thomas” she puts her hand over mine  
“How could you know what I’m going through?” I ask ripping my hand away. Ever since people found out about Isaac they pretended to understand what I went through and it pisses me off because they weren’t there, they don’t hard it was to learn to walk on eggshells because I never know what would send Isaac into another rage. They also don’t know the shame I live with every single day for being weak enough to let Isaac control me like he did.  
“I know it’s not exactly the same thing that I remember how hard it was for me to decide to tell Chloe about her father” I can see the pain in her face  
“Shit I’m sorry I just didn’t think” I tell her with regret in my voice  
“It’s okay” she tries to comfort me  
“No it not because what you went through was so much worse than I did. Maybe I should just get over it already” I say as I drink the last of my wine  
“You shouldn’t compare our experiences, just because I went through something horrific doesn’t negate what you went through with Isaac. Whatever you are thinking and feeling is natural and it’s okay” she takes my hand again and I give her a weak smile  
“I just thought when Isaac went to prison for 25 years, that it was over and I wouldn’t have to think about it anymore” I say before getting up to order another drink but Ange stops me and says she will get it for me instead. Az wine.  
“Thanks” I say after take a big sip. We just sat there in silence but it wasn’t a uncomfortable silence because I know she was trying to be supportive and wasn’t judging me.  
“If you don’t mind me asking how did you know how to explain it to her? I mean how did you find the right words to make her understand?” I ask finally breaking the silence between us  
“There was no right or wrong way to tell her, I just made sure she knew I loved her and what happened to me didn’t define her” Ange replies  
“I just don’t know how to explain it all to him” I confess in a sad voice  
“How did you tell people about the abuse in the first place?” She asks  
“That the thing my friend Zosia saw the bruises and worked it out for herself and she told Sacha and Essie. They tried to talk to me about it but I wouldn’t listen to them because I was still in denial, I really thought Isaac loved me enough to stop hitting me. Then later that day Isaac and I had a fight and I ended up falling down the stairs. That’s how it all came out, so I have never had to tell anyone who didn’t at least already suspect the truth” I say giving her the short version of what happened.  
“I wish I could’ve been there to help but If you decide to tell Thomas then you tell him however you want. Like I said before their is no right or wrong way” she reassured me  
“I just worry about how he will take it I guess” I tell her with a shrug  
“You can’t control how he reacts, so just focus about what is right for you. Just remember I’m here for you whenever you need me” she tells me before getting up and leaving.  
When I get home Thomas look up from his book and asks “how was work?”  
“Okay, I need to talk to you about something” I say as I sit down across from him.  
“What is it?” He must know it’s serious from the look on my face because he puts down his book and gives me his full attention  
“I need to tell you about one of my ex’s and I need you to understand that I’m not the same person as I was back then, okay?” I tell him as I take a deep breath  
“Sure but why are you telling me about him now?” He is confused because I have never really never told him about any of my ex’s apart from lofty  
“Because Isaac mayfield is my ex and the book you have been reading is about what he did to me” I rub my hand together waiting to see how he reacts  
“Fuck Dom if I had any idea then I would have never read that book” Thomas apologises but I can see he is angry  
“I know that and I don’t blame you for reading it but that book is a pack of lies and I need to tell you the truth” I tell him  
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to” Thomas says in a kind voice as he takes my hand. This is one of the things I love about him, he is so kind and never pushes me to talk about anything I don’t want to talk about  
“I know but I need to do this” I whisper and he just nods.  
“I was at a low point in my life when I met Isaac because Arthur had just died, i told you about Arthur remember?”  
“Of course he and Zosia were you’re best friends right?”  
“Yeah, after Arthur’s death I felt so lost and angry at him for dying so I was going out drinking a lot just block out the pain” my voice grows thick with emotion as I remember that time  
“That was just your way of grieving” Thomas tells me  
“Yeah I guess, anyway that’s how I met Isaac he was a drunken one night stand or so I thought until I learned he was the new surgeon on Keller” I laugh at how it sounds like a sitcom.  
“That must’ve been a uncomfortable surprise” Thomas remarks  
“Yeah it was but we agreed to get together and see what happened. At first it was amazing, we would steal moments together whenever we could and it was so spontaneous and intense” I start rubbing my hands together again in nervousness  
“So what changed? I mean when did it go wrong?”Thomas encourages me  
“I can’t pin point when the abuse started to be honest, it was small things at first like wanting me to eat healthy and calling me names like slob or loser” I sound so pathetic to my own ears  
“Why would you put up with that?” He asks and I can see he doesn’t understand how I let it happen  
“I ask myself that almost every day and I still don’t have a answer, maybe I am just weak” I look down at the floor in shame  
“Hey you’re not weak okay, this kind of thing can happen to anyone I was just trying to understand what made you stay with him” Thomas comes and sits next to me and starts rubbing my back  
“Maybe? I don’t know. I guess it didn’t really get bad until Christmas Eve that year I don’t really know how to explain it right, a lot of things just came to a head”I tell him unsure how to continue  
“How about I get you a coffee ?” He says and I just nod. I am glad for the time it takes for him to make the coffee because it gives me a short break to collect my thoughts. When he sits back down next to me and hands me a cuppa I smile in thanks.  
“Um the main thing that went wrong that day was another ex of mine was admitted to Keller, lee was still in love with me but I made it clear that we were over. So lee went after Isaac with a knife but no one was hurt but Isaac blamed me and said I had led lee on which was untrue. Another thing that went wrong that day was Isaac had to host the NHS Christmas ball that year and he was nervous so I gave him Arthur’s medals for good luck. I mean Arthur left me his grandfather’s war medals when he died and they were like a good luck charm for me so I thought they would help Isaac stupid really” I take a sip of my coffee as I remember that night.  
“It’s doesn’t sound stupid, you were doing something sweet” Thomas says trying to comfort me  
“Well Isaac didn’t see it that way because he was always jealous of my feelings for Arthur so after the ball he said a lot of cruel things to me, then threw Arthur’s medals on the ground and stepped on then. I will never forget that night because it made me feel so worthless and like I was nothing.” I stop speaking as I wipe a tear from my eye.  
“Oh Dom” Thomas whispers in sad tone  
“After that I just felt so low that I basically let him treat me however he wanted. He even convinced me we should have a open relationship and I went along with it because I didn’t feel like I deserve to be with someone like him. He was a famous surgeon and I was a nobody” I shake my head at how Isaac made me feel  
“Dom you’re a sweet and kind man, anyone would be lucky to be with you” Thomas wraps his arms around me and kisses me to prove his point  
“I know that now but I didn’t back then. There was other things happened between us that I don’t want to talk but after awhile I couldn’t handle him sleep around so I was going to leave him but he begged me to stay saying he would stop sleeping with other men so I stayed” i take a breath here because the next part is going to be hard to say  
“And did he?” Thomas asks  
“I think so and things did get better for awhile but then we disagreed over a patient and I saw that he cared more about his career then his patient’s quality of life. That night I packed my bags and waited for him to get home to tell him I was leaving big mistake because when I told him he just laughed and said something along the lines of where would I go without Arthur to bail me out and I told him I was going to stay with Zosia. Well he didn’t like that so he punched me in the ribs and I fell to the floor. As I was laying there in pain I looked at him and I didn’t recognise him because he had so much anger in his eyes, then he kicked me” I break off and head to the bathroom to splash some water on my face because I need a break from talking about my past with Isaac. When I walk back into the living room I see Thomas pacing and I ask if he’s okay  
“Yeah sorry I just hate how my reading that book made you remember what he did to you” he says and I can hear the anger in his voice  
“It’s okay really you didn’t know but I don’t have to tell you anymore if you don’t want” I tell him  
“I don’t need to know the rest but if you want to tell me I will listen” he answers leaving it up to me weather I continue or not.  
“I think I need to tell you everything” I say as I sit on the couch  
“Ok” he sits in his armchair across from me and holds my hand. That physical connection is exactly what I need right now  
“The next morning he was kept apologising and promised it would never happen again and I believed him so I forgave him. Anyway that day I was a mess because I couldn’t believe Isaac had hurt me, Zosia noticed something was off and she kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn’t tell her. Somehow she saw my bruises and confronted me about them and I told her some lie which she saw through. After that she kept trying to get me to see that Isaac was becoming abusive but I wouldn’t let myself admit it even to myself which drove a wedge between us. Isaac was happy about that because it meant he could control me more and over the next few weeks he started to hit me again and again but after every time he would say he hated hurting me but I drove him to it. Towards the end of our relationship I was a nervous wreck always Worried I would do something to set Isaac off.” I see tears forming in Thomas’s eyes and I hate seeing him upset  
“So what made you leave in the end?” Thomas asks after giving my a kiss  
“One day a found a a domestic violence pamphlet in one locker and I got angry because I assumed that Zosia had left it there but it got me thinking how things weren’t right between us. Later I had a patient name Sam who was engaged to Kyle another one of my ex. When I saw Kyle we started to talk and catch up but then Isaac came up to us and introduce himself as my partner. I tried to avoid mentioning that Kyle was my ex because I was scared of how he would react and I think Kyle could see how nervous I was around Isaac, anyway it turned out Isaac had already been told about Kyle. So on our break I explained that I hadn’t told him about Kyle because I didn’t want he to be jealous but he just laughed at the idea. I also spoke to Isaac about maybe going to counselling but he wouldn’t admit there was even a problem. He made it seem like that it was a normal grownup relationship and he was so convincing so I let it go. Later on Isaac wantEd Sam to have a experimental surgery but I disagreed because it was to dangerous. But Isaac being Isaac didn’t care about the risks to Sam he just told me to get the consent form signed. I was so scared of what would happened if I didn’t do what he told me, so I manipulated Sam into giving his consent but Kyle overheard and he knew that it wasn’t like me to manipulate a patient. So Kyle tried to talk to me about what was wrong with me but I just ignored him and he must have gone to Zosia because next thing I knew Sacha called me in to his office and both Zosia and Essie were there. Zosia must have told them about the abuse because they tried to stage a intervention but I kept defending Isaac. Isaac came to get me because I was late for a surgery and he overheard them talking to me and he threatened to report them for harassment. While we were operating I was thinking about what they had been saying and I realised that they were right and I also realised that the operation was to dangerous so I made Isaac stop operating on Sam. Afterwards Isaac was so mad at me he attacked me and pinned me against a wall but I fought back and again tried to get him to agree to counselling but he just said he didn’t have a problem and then he got so angry that I took a step away from him and fell down a flight of stairs. After that I knew that Isaac would never change so I reported him to Hansen and the police which led to him being fired and going to prison.” I smiled as I think about how great and supportive my friend had been.  
“I so sorry you had to go through all that” Thomas says in a soft voice  
“Yeah me too. About a year ago I came face to face with Isaac again because his father was admitted to the hospital.” I tell him  
“It must’ve been hard to see him again” Thomas remarks  
“Trust me it was. Lofty and I were having problems at the time and Isaac’s presence just drove us farther apart. At first Isaac acted like he had changed and I believed him but eventually I saw though his through his act and made it clear I didn’t want anything to do with him. He then attacked lofty. The attack left lofty needing surgery and unlikely to survive. While lofty was in surgery Isaac tried to comfort me but when I pushed him away Isaac told me that he had known for some time that his father had cancer but had denied him treatment because Isaac wanted his father to have a long hospital stay so he had a excuse to be close to me. In the end lofty survived and Isaac went back to prison for 25 years” after I finish my story I get up to put my cup in the sink before heading to our bedroom knowing Thomas will need some time to process what I have just told him. About 10 minutes later Thomas comes in and lies down next to me and says “i love you and tomorrow I am going to burn Isaac’s book”  
“So does this change things between us?” I ask him  
“No nothing”I smile and snuggle closer to him as I hear this.  
Thomas was true to his word and burned Isaac’s book the next day. Telling Thomas about Isaac was hard but it brought us closer together because Thomas saw me as brave to have gone through all that and come out the other side stronger.


End file.
